At the Feet

I am so often a terrible Mary.

I like my running around, feeling important because I can make others wait, can make others bend to my demanding schedule.

"It is more blessed to give than to receive"

I lived in a trailer in Mexico for a summer in college. A pueblito, 10 dirt roads by 10 dirt roads dusty. It was that summer that I begin my education on detrimental giving. The missionaries I worked with acknowledged that when they passes out clothes to the village that the second hand clothes peddlers made less money, but what were they to do?

6 of one, half dozen of the other, right?

As a nation, Americans are pretty philanthropic, for whatever reason, Rockefeller's legacy or the eventual realization (every Spring when we clean out our garage) that we have so much crap. Or maybe its the 178 references to the poor in the Bible (someone please correct me on that if I'm wrong - thats just what Google told me.) Bottom line, we love to give. Anyone who's volunteered their time or felt the instant gratification of giving a needy kid a new pair of shoes, their eyes lighting up like Christmas, I mean – the ads for these things practically write themselves.

So how could something so good be so bad?

Back to Mexico, the Pastor at the church I attended spoke one week about their Missionary families they had in Morocco and Spain. After the service I pulled him aside and inquired why this tiny little village in Mexico was sending missionaries out all over the world, weren't they the ones that needed help?

He began to explain to me the dependency visiting American mission groups had created in his community. His church community was beginning to become apathetic and doubted their own potential to get things done. Fast forward – I have never seen a prouder congregation. Not only were they learning about other cultures around the world from their connection to the missionary families they supported, they were financially invested and proud of it!

Let me get back to my original point, I am so often a terrible Mary. I love to give and it is humbling to receive. But one thing I have learned about living abroad in such a generous culture is that it is SUCH an important exercise to sit down, shut up and receive. It moves me out of my God complex and gives someone else the chance to be blessed through giving.

I think one of the root reasons why this is particularly hard for Americans to do is that many have been raised in a "self-sufficient" culture. We have so much – we don't need to rely on others for survival – we have forgotten what "need" is.

A large portion of my job involves getting clients stories and communicating these on to potential donors, our marketing department, etc. One thing I have realized is how empowering it is to ask someone to tell their story. It's the simplest posture of Mary, sitting at Jesus' feet, listening.

It has become one of my favorite parts of my job; inquiring, listening and furiously scribbling so as not to forget any idiosyncrasy. And I've seen many a loan client go from timidly telling their story in a halting fashion, like a first time stick shift driver to someone who bravely stands up in front of a group of gringos and with pride and confidence weaves her story like an artist.

So, I encourage all to acquire a listening posture. It doesn't have to be in the Dominican Republic, it can be anywhere. Be open to the humbling exercise of receiving and allow another to occupy the coveted position of giver. I think you'll find that doing this also helps you be less of a control freak (if you're prone to that) and gives God more space to surprise you on a daily basis.